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Behavior

What to do for tantrums

A tantrum means the child is overwhelmed. Punishing the crying usually grows it. Safety limits still apply: you stop hitting, throwing, and running off, without trying to reason inside the peak.

The CDC’s toddler tips say to give attention and praise when children follow directions, and to limit attention for defiant behavior such as tantrums, while teaching acceptable ways to show they are upset.

Free wheel

Preset: What to do for tantrums

Use these after the peak, or as the plan when you need a next step. Do not spin in the middle of a meltdown.

The wheel only chooses options you leave switched on. Agree on them before anyone is upset, and follow through calm, never in anger.

Add a name if you want it in the result. Spin when the list feels fair.

Consequences on the wheel

Switch suggestions off, edit the wording, reorder them, or add your own.

  • Stay near and quiet

    Few words. You are the calm person in the room.

  • Two calm choices

    Only if they can hear you. Both choices must be real.

  • Name the feeling later

    After the peak: mad, sad, or disappointed. One word.

  • Move to a softer spot

    Away from the audience and the breakable things.

  • Wait, then reconnect

    The moment ends with closeness, not a lecture.

  • Lower one demand

    Drop an extra errand. Keep the safety limit.

  • Practice words later

    One sentence they can use next time, rehearsed while calm.

  • Water and a reset

    A drink offered as care after they are calm, not as a bargain during the scream.

Add your own

During the storm

Stay close enough to keep them safe. Use few words. Offer two quiet choices if they can still hear you. Move breakable things. Do not give the lollipop they are screaming for, or the tantrum becomes the tool.

This is a poor moment to spin a wheel. The slices below are for after, or for the plan you use when a tantrum includes aggression. Crying itself does not need a penalty.

After, teach one skill

When they are soft again, name the feeling and practice one phrase or one calm-down move. That practice can be the “consequence.” It is short, related, and useful tomorrow.

If you are starting to dread every outing, look at hunger, sleep, and whether the day has too many no’s. HealthyChildren suggests planning ahead for situations that usually go badly.

Leave these off the list

  • A spanking, or any other consequence, while the child is still out of control. Wait until you are calm.
  • Mocking the cry or filming it.
  • Withholding a meal to “teach them.”
  • A long isolation. Stay nearby, especially for young children.

Words you can use

  • During: “You’re safe. I’ll wait.”
  • “I won’t let you hit. I’m moving the toy.”
  • After: “You were mad the park ended. Next time you can say ‘more time.’”
  • “Let’s practice that sentence once. Then snack.”

Questions parents ask

Should tantrums be ignored?

Minor dramatic protests can get less attention if everyone is safe. You still stay present. Do not ignore hitting, self-injury, or a child who is terrified. HealthyChildren limits “ignore it” to behavior that is not dangerous.

What if we are in a store?

Leave the aisle if you can, keep your voice low, and finish the limit you set. A audience makes it worse. Skip speeches until the car.

When should I call a doctor?

If tantrums are injuring someone, lasting longer as they get older, or you are frightened, ask a pediatrician. A wheel is not a treatment.

Sources